German Dating: This is what SHE wants from HIM when dating


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Left, left, right, left, sounds like an obstacle course, feels like it every now and then, but what we mean is online dating. As soon as the first hurdle is over and you have a match, the next hurdles come up. 

We have collected the latest study results so that you can safely reach the dating destination in the end. So much can be revealed: Conservative getting-to-know rituals are more important to the elderly than the younger ones.


Take initiative

Women want to be emancipated and like equality, but when it comes to dating, you are more than happy to let men go first. A new ElitePartner study reveals what singles look for when getting to know each other.

Over half of the women said that the man should take the initiative. The younger the women, the more wait-and-see they are. Among the under 30-year-olds it is even 72% percent.

Dear men, I know you don’t like this. Where? Six out of ten men are annoyed about it. Think of it this way:

If you take the initiative and suggest a date, then you can, for example, look for something that can really score points with the woman. So take all your courage and ask her out on a date, she’s probably just waiting for it.

Please don’t forget: going to the cinema on your first date is taboo. Because what does that say about you when the best she can experience with you is to sit next to each other for 90 minutes?


The greeting

Hug, shake hands, kiss on the cheek – Voilà here is the next uncertain moment.

In advance, think about how you would like to greet her so that there is no embarrassment when you stand in front of her. A little tip: The best middle ground is an open and friendly hug.

It’s not a business meeting, it’s a date, so the handshake is a little too stiff. You can also hide your excited hands from her. Since you don’t know each other well, a kiss on the cheek is also a little too much.

Keeping the conversation going

It is clear which topics have absolutely no place on a date: politics, religion and ex-relationships. You are welcome to exchange ideas about work, but not all the time and you should keep all the ailments that invade everyday life to yourself for the time being.

The topic of family planning is also not welcomed. If someone talks about their own desire to have children at the first meeting, it scares off around every third woman (36 percent) and every third man (34 percent).

What is left then? Find topics to talk about that excite both of you. The next vacation, your hobbies, the last concert, an exhibition or the book you are reading, for example.


Now is the time to settle

If the date takes place in a café or restaurant, then at some point this moment comes that is usually uncomfortable: the bill and with it the question of who is paying.

In the best case scenario, it is like a little dance. She pretends to want to pay, but he takes the bill. With that, exactly two things happen: he signals to her that he liked the date and would like to see her again and she signals that she is not looking for someone who only invites her and who would also like to contribute something herself. Then she can simply take over the bill on the next date or pay the second round.

In a survey by the online dating portal Lemon Swan, there were clear differences between men and women when it came to the question “Who pays the bill on the first date”.

While 51 percent of the female respondents aged 18 and over say that they find conservative getting-to-know rituals positive, the situation is significantly less for the men, at 37 percent.

However, there is a clear generation difference here. While only 26 percent of those surveyed between 18 and 24 said that they found conservative rituals to get to know each other positively on the first date, it is exactly half of men and women over 55 (50 percent). Incidentally, this includes not only paying the bill, but also holding the door open and helping her into her coat.

After the date is before the date

You had a nice date with her and would you like to see you again?

Then let her know and write to her after the first date. Either ask her whether she came home safely or you pick up another topic. For example, did she tell you about an important conversation she’s going to have? Then ask her how it went or wish her every success.

If you can’t think of anything, just let her know that the time spent together was good.


Extra points

She gives him extra points if he can show a soft side. According to a study by ElitePartner, 41 percent of single women like it when men show that they need a shoulder to lean on.

However, this only applies to women who are not in the process of starting a family. Because among 30 to 39-year-olds, only 28 percent are on emotional men.

Clear up misunderstandings

34% of women often perceive the signals from men when flirting in a misleading manner. Psychologist Lisa Fischbach from ElitePartner explains why this is and what you can do about it.

“A modern-liberal understanding of gender meets traditional-conservative ideas of what men and women expect from each other when they get to know each other and in relationships. Misunderstandings are inevitable. It is understandable if younger women in particular rely on security-oriented models when choosing a partner and let men take the first step. In view of the high probability that unequal flirting patterns will meet, I advise the best strategy: Talk to each other instead of restricting yourself by role expectations.

Michelle Halterman
Michelle Halterman
USA, China, South Africa and now Munich - Michelle has come a long way in the world. She is an outdoor person and loves to be in nature with friends and on her mountain bike. Or she meets up with friends for pasta, vino, cappaccino & Co.



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